A boy named Fanny
I am not normal I was born with no sex that could be determined. It was later decided I was to be a boy.
For fanny, the first 5 years were
uneventful. But not for her parents, fanny got into trouble
everywhere. Not that she was bad but inappropriate. Like wearing her
mothers earrings. Or playing house with her as a wife and mother, it
was OK with the rest of the girls, but not with father. Fanny did not
understand any of it. Was not fair, she said. all the rest of the
girls were allowed. They kept telling her she was a boy. But she knew
that was not right, not with what was happing between her legs. Was
the world crazy? Parents controlled everything she wanted to scream
and cry and bang her head against to wall. Which she did often, it
only lasted as long as the pain did. It did not matter. She had one
choice what they could not control; she had control of her life, and
would not stay in a world where she had to be a boy. She hated and
loved her parents at the same time. Perhaps she was crazy, the the
thought had crossed her mind more than once. If she was crazy then
just accept those pills they gave her and let her mind grow foggy. As
it had once before. She would never accept that again, lousing
sentences forgetting whole days. She would rather be dead.
There was one light on the road that
helped and that was school. Oh not at first of course, she had to sit
out in the boys play yard. They would never pick her for anything.
Largely due to Father Lang, who put her on the bench quite literally,
the only bench there. By the second week the teams were set and no
one wanted to add her. That was fine with her she would read and she
did not have to change out of her gym uniform in front of the boys.
They should not see the mess between her legs.
But they could not help pushing her in
the mud. She would have to sit in wet pants again today. Trey hated
her. For what she was. Like her father they wanted something that she
did not understand what it was.to be a part of their club?. But what
ever it was it eluded her. Girls now were easy to understand, any
girl anywhere. She knew what they liked so it was easy to talk to
them, she hated what she was. Please GOD let me die, would I be so
missed? My father hates me I cannot stand to be a male what use am I
Her primary adversary was a boy named
Alfred Astin in the first week she arrived he found her alone and
began to crudely hold her and kiss her. Fanny was so overwhelmed that
she clawed her way out of his arms and began running for home. Alfred
began running after her she knew instinctively if he caught her she
would not be coming home at all. It made her run even faster. He
nearly caught her twice, always with that butterfly knife. But she
made it to her fence line and was over it, astin stooped at the fence
and began shouting threats all of which she knew he was capable of
carrying out.
She got to her bedroom. Her body was
racked with convulsions for air. Finally she could breathe, but what
to do? Alfred would be watching for her to be alone.
Alfred would be in her class at school
he had failed two classes and now he would be in forth grade.. she
knew what he was! The paper was full of girls gone missing. The way
he used that knife of his she knew that he used it before on other
girls. But then he also knew what she was.
All that year Astin was hateful, he
teased her, hit her and got others to fight with her. He made her
life miserable. Most of the people eaIter could not or would not help
her. Her father simply told her she needed to fight but how could she
tell him what Alfred relay was. He would not believe her, for what
she was. More and more she hated being with the boys. she had
nothing in common with them.
She discovered the Nef girls. They
were mostly shunned by the other girls because they wore identical
dresses that their mother sowed for them. But that is the way they
liked it. But somehow they liked fanny. So 4th grade
passed for fanny without much drama. She was allowed to have reuses
in the girls playground! That was so cool,There was a big chain-link
fence around the playground it made her feel safe. there were swings
and a merry-go-round, slides and a huge walk in doll house. Fanny
thought she was in heaven. Sister Margret sat at a table near the
fence gate. She could do her needle work in peace.
She had just had a good lesson with
sister Margret on embroidery, who knew she loved needle work as she
did. But by the time school ended they had a class of four. Despite
everyone being so accepting of her she had this constant feeling
perhaps they did not have to fight for a sex to belong to, girls
could be both it was just not fair. Or was it deeper. Why this rage?
Things were also not so OK with her body. She was starting puberty.
She never developed body hair, not even under her arms. Since all
boys had body hair, so she must be shaving it off- right?. Aston
harped on it all the time. Her skin had become soft and sensitive,
her nipples had become huge and began to darken like her mother's.
Fanny had not a clue as to why. Since she was a boy these things were
not happening. Yet she liked the look. Still there was one dark spot
at the end of the year. She had gone to the store alone. Or so she
thought but she was not. Alfred was tracking her. She spotted him as
she turned the corner. Oh no she thought how stupid you are he can
out run me in this ground. The flash of his butterfly knife spired
her into movement, she ran not knowing where she was going! Then she
came to the equipment shed he had been herding her to this spot like
game. She had asked so many times to die but not this way, not to be
used and murdered to reside in the north woods with the other girls.
No one would know what chapped to her, not even if she was alive or
dead. She was looking back when she ran smack dab into sister
Margaret. When she looked back again no one was following her. It is
not safe for young girls to be alone out here especially you. Get to
class I'll walk back with you, said Sister.
